Does My Nose Smell Like Chocolate?

One dating problem many guys face is whether or not to make a move. Similarly, many girls encounter the troubling question, “Why won’t he make a move?” Hopefully this post will solve both predicaments.

Ladies, let’s say you've been spending time with a guy but he has yet to make a move. You don't have to be completely helpless; you can instigate. Take my sister, Katie, for example; that's how she got married. While having a great conversation with a dreamy guy with lush, thick eyebrows she asked, "So, when are you gonna ask me on a date?" And then after a few dates asked, "So when are you gonna ask me to be your girlfriend?" I think she even contemplated proposing to him. Luckily, he beat her to it. 

You don't have to go that far, but you can start subtle by touching him, smiling, playing with your hair, being really close to him, lots of eye contact and bashful giggling: “Tee hee!” You can be slightly more bold and grab his hand, or hold his arm and rest your head on his shoulder, nibble his earlobe, etc. He will definitely get the hint. If you’re really gutsy you can tell him “Hey, I really like you!” and see what happens.

There are some tricks you can do too. You can pretend to (or legitimately) be incompetent in something and ask for his help. Or try the classic, “I’m cold” routine. One neat little trick is if you have cold hands, you can say, “Feel how cold my hands are.” My personal favorite: you gotta sniff loudly a couple times and with a confused look ask, “Does my nose smell like chocolate?” Lean in, and he will lean in, and your noses will almost be touching. This will always end up in a kiss.

You see the covers of all these novels? Just beforehand the girl asked the guy “Do you think my nose smells like chocolate?” These images are just men smelling women’s noses.

Some guys can pick up hints really well while other guys can’t pick up a hint if it punches them in the face. These hints should be fool proof.

But for us guys, what if she isn’t giving out hints? What if her being flirty and touchy is just her personality and how she is with all guys? These girls will frequently be pursued by guys thinking that she likes them when really she’s just being herself. How do we differentiate without looking like a fool? You can watch for clues like the ones mentioned above. Luckily there are a few tests that you can do too:

Test #1: Be close enough to her that your arm or leg is just "naturally" touching her. Does she move away? This means she isn’t into you. If she stays there, she probably likes you. 

Test #2: Is she laughing at your jokes? If she likes you, she’ll laugh no matter how lame they are. Ideally you’d want to use jokes in the moment off the top of your head (if you’re daring enough, and it’s the right type of girl, you could even use a pun). Try to stay away from structured jokes with punch-lines. But if that’s all you have, you can use this one: “Why did the toilet paper roll down the stairs? To get to the bottom!” 

Test #3: When you hug, release only halfway. If she doesn’t want to kiss, she will pull away. If she does want to kiss, she will look at your lips. Even if you’re not hugging, if she looks at your lips, she wants to be kissed.

Test #4: Play with her hair. If you're facing her and you brush her hair back and she lets you, she wants to be kissed. If not, she'll pull away. 

If you are still too shy after she passes all four tests you've lost your man card. Sorry pal.

Take risks, be bold, and have fun!

My "Realistic" Expectations

When I got home from my mission, my mama told me to find a really nice girl, as sweet as can be.  A friend told me, “find someone who can appreciate your…uniqueness.” One day, a sister of mine saw me in shorts, made a face and said, “If you find a girl who likes your leg hairs…marry her.” At a family dinner, my 3 sisters commented “It will be strange to suddenly have another sister when Devin gets married…Devin, be sure to marry a talented girl who makes us want to be better.” Looks like the bar is set pretty high, but I’ll see what I can do.


As a tender lad of 12 (see image), I heard a phrase, “If you want to find the one, you have to BE the one” (Judging by the image, I was obviously well on my way to becoming Mr. Right).
This phrase stuck with me like plaque on an artery wall, and is the purpose of this post.
Growing up, my dad would always find opportunities to teach me, covering an array of topics such as cars, jets, the gospel, space shuttles, how to tuck my ear inside itself, and certain scarring lessons in female anatomy (that part I blocked out of my memory…All I know is the setup inside looks something like the Texas Longhorn logo).



As a father of 3 girls, he would often teach me to develop certain attributes and how to improve my character, concluding with “that’s something you’ll need when one day you’re sitting down with a potential father-in-law asking for his daughter's hand in marriage.”

How do I know when I’m ready for that interview (should I bring references)? Or even more soul-searching, would I hand off my future daughter to a guy with the qualities that I have (and lack)? I think a lot about what my future wife is entitled to in a husband. What kind of husband does she deserve? Who does she expect me to be?

I think about what I have to offer her, and am reminded of where I can improve. That being said, I have come up with some realistic expectations I would appreciate in a wife as I seek to prepare myself for her, resulting in us being equally yoked.

1. Girls are pretty. I’m not picky with the particulars. However, she gets bonus points if she has a nice set of full lips (for whistling of course), nicely-shaped eyebrows, and if I can run my hand through her hair without getting stuck in knots.
2. I've learned that people need to have a correct relationship with their parents. By that I mean it's wonderful if there is a direct correlation between the closeness of her relationship with each of her parents conditional on the emotional health of each parent, generally speaking. For example, being close with her parents if they are kind and have healthy boundaries. A distant relationship with a loving and rational parent is just as much of a yellow flag as a close relationship with a manipulative and controlling parent.
3. Intelligent, obviously. This should be first. I like me a deep thinker. Sure' nuff. 
4. I like women who are open to therapy. I believe in preventing problems instead of waiting until something becomes a problem.
5. I'm passionate about self-respect and self-discipline. We should aspire to do things that both make us happy and show love to our future self so we will be in a better position financially, physically, spiritually, etc... Maybe it's a flaw of my own but I don't have a lot of patience for people who say halfheartedly, "Oh I wish I was better at (saving money/eating healthy, keeping promises, etc...)," when they don't take action to improve.
6. I like women who are nurturing, kind, supportive, domestic, enjoy serving others, and love children. I clump these together because of how closely related they are in nature. Obviously these are great traits for anyone to have. If she wants to work as well, more power to her. I don't have expectations of my future wife staying at home, unless that's what she wants.
7. I think many lifestyle choices are a result of tradition and familiarity, rather than efficiency. She doesn't have to be mentally wired in that same way, but it would make my knees weak if she was open to logically and objectively examine why we do the things we do and choose the option more efficient in achieving the desired result. Naw mean?
8. It's important to me that she has her priorities straight. I'd prefer to avoid emotional infidelity. This applies to being overly-materialistic or having an unhealthy obsession. I'm particular about this because this is how my (and many others') marriage ended.
9. I only want to date women who are drawn to my unique characteristics. Otherwise I kind of feel used if she's looking for just any decent guy.
10. Connection. If women asked themselves, "What behaviors from a husband would make me feel so loved like I won the jackpot of husbands?" I would make an effort to exhibit that behavior as often as I can while still being realistic. For that same reason, a strong sex-drive in a woman is important to me. 

It goes without saying that only high quality men can qualify for such a high quality woman as this, and perfection is unattainable. 

For the Love of Nerds!

Technorati Tags: nerds,love,dating,advice

There are many different types of guys in the world: dorks, dopes, jerks, jocks, gentlemen (aka the nice guys), geeks, losers, lovers, cheaters, ballers, thugs, convicts, nerds, players, womanizers, pansies, partiers, professionals, punks, and tools.  

Out of all of these, I believe I mostly fall under the “thug” category.

I know a gang sign.
I can speak Ebonics.
I own a shotgun.
I read health books and finance books for fun.
Instead of playing football, I’d rather play the piano.
Instead of watching TV, I’d rather blog.
I have a pinterest.
I like puns that get a laugh maybe 20% of the time.

How much more thug can you be?

But anyway, the type of guy that I most aspire to be is a nerd. Why? Because nerds are honest, smart, and most of all, they have the most passion. That’s what makes nerds nerdy; being passionate about something. They live life to the fullest. They love learning. John Green put it best, “ . . . nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff…Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can’t-control-yourself love it. When people call people nerds, mostly what they’re saying is ‘you like stuff.’ Which is just not a good insult at all. Like ‘you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness.’”

Ladies, I recommend you date nerds. After 30 or 40 years, what type of guy do you think would still be interesting to you and keep your marriage full of joy and passion? Very few things are stronger than the love of a nerd. Good looks, “swag” and athleticism are temporary. Nerdiness will be sexy when you’re old. And they’ll be rich.

First Date Horror Stories

Technorati Tags: first date,dating,advice,mistakes

My parents (aka the “on-spring”) had 4 kids.  The first 3 were girls. Then they had me! A boy! And man, were they surprised . . . especially since in the ultrasound it looked like I was a girl (I’m sure it was just a bad angle).
Anyway . . .
Here they are; aren’t they beautiful??

Sorry guys, they’re all accounted for.

The reason I bring up my sisters is they are a strong influence in my life. As my sisters were in their teenage years, dating became a hot topic in the home. Sometimes after one of them would return home from a date I would get to hear the feedback. These were very important learning moments for me. For some reason the negative experiences stuck in my memory even though I know they had plenty of great dates. I remember them saying things like:

“He closed the car door on my foot. Twice.”

“He talked about himself the whole time and never asked me anything about myself.”

“I was STARVING the whole time.”

“He was rude.”

“Our first date lasted 6 hours . . . ”

“He didn’t have a plan. He tried to wing the whole thing.”

“He didn’t open the door for me.”

“He made me pay for myself.”

“I didn’t know we were going to be outside and I FROZE!”

“He kept looking at his phone.”

“He thought he was being funny but he was being so stupid!”

“He kept blasting screamo music even after I asked him not to.”

“That’s not a hickey . . . I burned myself with my curling iron.”

 

Brethren, these “first date horrors” can be avoided if you follow the fundamentals (I will cover more advanced topics in the future):

• Feed her
• Ask about her and LISTEN. The purpose of a first date is to get to know her, not impress her.
• Make a plan and tell her in advance so she knows what to wear
• Keep it simple and short
• Giver her your full attention
• Be the type of man you’d want your future daughter to date

 

So my fellow, single gentlemen, gird your loins with the belt of common sense as you proceed on the path of your conversion from #foreveralone to #mywifeisaBABE.

How to Receive Compliments

Technorati Tags: receive,compliments,dating,advice

 

Who doesn't appreciate a good compliment? I have noticed some people (including myself) have trouble receiving compliments. I will go over some simple guidelines of how to do it properly in normal, everyday conversation.

Let's say a guy says to a girl, "You look really pretty today " a girl can respond many different ways . . .

Bad Example #1
"I know."

Suddenly you're not as pretty anymore. I learned recently that arrogance is actually a sign of insecurity, an attempt to mask or compensate flaws. I don't know if these girls are just playing a game, trying to sound like they're "all that" and the guy would be lucky to date a girl so far out of his league, but I'm allergic to cockiness, so peace out.

 

Bad Example #2
"No I don't. I look so ugly today."

At first I assume she's playing a game, like she's looking for reassurance wanting the guy to tell her again. So then when she rejects the follow-up reassurance I realize she honestly believes she doesn’t look pretty. This is sad to me, and this also becomes a subconscious, implied insult to the guy saying "You are wrong. You have bad judgment. And you have bad taste in women." Even if this is her attempt to avoid Bad Example #1, low self-esteem is almost as unattractive as arrogance. Remember, if a lie is repeated often enough (i.e. “milk makes your bones strong”) eventually it will be accepted as truth. So over time the guy will end up being convinced, “Perhaps she really isn’t as pretty as I thought . . . “

And as a side note, guys love simple. Guys grew up seeing his mom in the home not dolled up everyday, and his mother became his definition of beauty. So if you're wearing a pony tail and feel gross, you could be the prettiest girl some guys have seen all day with your beautiful simplicity.

 

Bad Example #3
" So you’re saying I normally don’t look pretty? "

How pessimistic! Hopefully she isn’t serious! Just in case, the guy could reply by saying “You look beautiful everyday.”
 

 

Bad Example #4
"I have a boyfriend."

What if he's not hitting on you and he's just being nice? Having a boyfriend doesn't disqualify you from receiving compliments. Not classy. Chill, girl. Chill.

So what do you say when you receive a compliment? The answer is easy. No need to take out a pen and paper, there are only two words you need to remember:

”Thank you.”

Say it even if you disagree. After that it's fair game where you have the option to say anything you want.

If you like him, say "You don't look too bad yourself, handsome."

If you don’t like him, say "Go take a hike."

If you really don’t like him, and you want him to stay as far away from you as possible, say
"I have explosive diarrhea."